Don’t hold me if the only way you are going to do it is down. I don’t want your embrace if the tightness steals my voice. I don’t want your comfort if it comes with a contract. Your defense comes from the dis-ease of these words. The way you are unable to answer my calls easily without feeling or the removal of walls.
When I started to care for my wholeness the list of needs shortened in length and grew in potency. Anything that would stall my healing became pills too dangerous to now swallow. My heart is too valuable to play pretend. My soul leads too much to be silent, still or polite. Connection is why we are here. Why I am here. I want the whole kind.
So I want you to hold me. Just remember that I don’t need to be fixed. I want to be wrapped in your loving embrace. Just remember that my voice will never hang onto your validation. I want your comfort. The kind that comes from your core, uninterested in what it gets you, but giving for the sake of giving. I want to share my journey with you and my life. Just remember you are not my author. Even I don’t know what chapter comes next.
I know sensations and adrenaline may be coursing through your body with this ask. When there is uncertainty fear can shove itself to the front of the line before faith saves the day. I want a closeness my love. A connection built from the unplanned, a life experienced and deeply felt rather than contained. I believe that we are strong enough to do that.
Life isn’t a game I want to play.
For today will yourself to take my hand and don’t look away.
If my faith alone is needed to get us through,
Then I promise that is exactly what I will do.